U.S. Soldiers Can't Even Take a Crap Without Having the Bible Shoved Up Their ...
Chris Rodda printable version print page     Bookmark and Share
Wed Mar 09, 2011 at 08:16:48 PM EST
Okay, this is one for the 'you just can't make this crap up' file. In my almost four years of working for the Military Religious Freedom Foundation, I've seen all sorts of outrageously inappropriate times and places that Christianity is being dumped upon the members of our military, but while they're taking a dump? That definitely takes the number one (or number two) spot. Seriously, a couple of Army chaplains have decided that the porcelain throne is the perfect place to bring soldiers closer to the throne of God.

An article on the official U.S. Army website about this team of chaplains, stationed in the bowels of Afghanistan, begins:

"Sitting on a toilet isn't a place one would normally expect to think about God. But the two-man chaplain team at Spin Boldak wants Soldiers to do just that."

The article goes on to describe the chaplains' unusual (and unconstitutional) bathroom outreach ministry:

"Holy Crap: Chaplain's Thought of the Week, where Bible verses and inspirational messages are posted on the doors of bathroom stalls, is just one of the many creative programs run by this holy team."

I think we can truly say at this point that the U.S. military might as well be using the Constitution as toilet paper.

Nice, one, Chris!  I can't think of too many other puns you could have worked in there!  I especially loved the last line....

by Satcomguy on Thu Mar 10, 2011 at 10:04:01 AM EST
... but they were a little too cheesy even for a piece like this ;-)

by Chris Rodda on Thu Mar 10, 2011 at 11:17:54 AM EST

Absolutely shows disrespect to the Bible.
Maybe the chaplains should become like bathroom attendants and read the Bible to the soldiers as they 'do their doodie'.

by COinMS on Thu Mar 10, 2011 at 01:07:09 PM EST

Has anyone else bothered to think about the implications of this stepped-up bombing of the minds of soldiers on the eve of the implementation of the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell? The more they spread this fundamentalist crap (literally in this case) the more violence they're going to ignite with homophobic troops when homosexual troops are allowed to reveal their sexuality openly. Once they start attacking gays for being open the chaplains are going to say that open homosexuality demoralizes troops when they were the ones who instigated the behavior in the first place!

by StephanieDonald on Thu Mar 10, 2011 at 05:24:18 PM EST
I had thought of something similar. It could be that the hard right chaplains might cause problems on their way out, because certainly some couldn't put up with 'them gays'. Those that stayed would probably never accept the repeal and would look for ways to get it back.
It kind of depends on the leadership, the higher ups. They can clamp down on the chaplaincy if they want to. If they don't, then they probably endorse the direction the theocratic right is taking the U.S. Military.

by COinMS on Thu Mar 10, 2011 at 10:03:52 PM EST

The dominionists want to stalk soldiers everywhere, including the latrine. BTW, I went to hear Mikey Weinstein speak when he came to the city where I live, he gave an excellent talk.

by khughes1963 on Thu Mar 10, 2011 at 03:42:20 PM EST

I, for one, find the subtextual symbolism of biblical scripture in toilet stalls apropos!
In fact, I can think of nothing that would relax my sphincter more, than the uninhibited belly laugh resulting from reading the word of god!
And yes, the military has always used the Constitution as toilet paper - soldiers do not enjoy the same rights as non-military citizens.

by ReneEpicurus on Sat Mar 12, 2011 at 05:37:16 PM EST

Titled "Holy S*#t". This would be an interesting addition to it, but really, Milan Kundera did a much better job reflecting on toileting and the holy in "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" than any soldier will be able to do in the latrine. How distressing on so many fronts!

by RevRuthUCC on Sun Mar 13, 2011 at 02:59:25 PM EST

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