Like Rep. Ken "Rumpelstiltskin" Paxton's HB 224 creating "Choose Life" plates, Patrick's bill benefits only women who give up children for adoption. A woman who might wish to continue her pregnancy and mother her own child, a woman who has an abortion only because of economic hardship, is left out in the cold. Maybe Patrick figures that "the kind of woman who has an abortion" will do anything for $500 -- because no other pregnant women in the state would be subjected to the indignity of being forced by law to listen to his sales pitch.

CHAPTER 50. ADOPTION INCENTIVE PROGRAM  

(a) The department shall develop a program to encourage pregnant women to place their children for adoption rather than have an abortion.

(b) The program must include a $500 payment to each woman who is a resident of this state and a citizen of the United States who places a child for adoption rather than have an abortion.

Sec. 50.002. APPLICATION FORM.

(a) The department shall develop an application form to be used by a woman who applies for funds under this chapter.

(b) The department may only distribute the application forms to abortion providers.

At least Patrick is doing his best to make sure that the state doesn't get snookered into buying any "illegal" babies.

In order to ensure that no low-income "legal" woman misses out on this chance of a lifetime, Patrick's bill forces doctors who provide abortion care, under penalty of law, to make the state's pitch in person to every potential producer of an adoptable baby.

Sec. 50.005. NOTIFICATION REQUIRED; APPLICATION FORM.

(a) Notification of the program under this chapter is required as part of the informed consent requirements under Chapter 171.

(b) An abortion provider shall distribute a copy of the funds application form to each woman who comes to the provider seeking an abortion.

All potential baby suppliers should be advised that Sen. Patrick's offer is good for a limited time only. In order to qualify for payment, a woman would have to sign over her newborn within 30 days after giving birth, because there's just not much demand for older children. Heck, the orphanages are full of them already.

Sec. 50.003  APPLICATION. A woman requesting funds under this chapter must apply for the funds on the form developed by the department not later than the 30th day after the date the child is born.

Sec. 50.004  PAYMENT OF FUNDS.

(a) The department shall process each application for funds under this chapter to determine whether the woman is eligible. If the woman is eligible for funds, the department shall make the payment to the woman not later than the 60th day after the date the woman's parental rights are terminated.

What's that you say? Selling and buying babies is against the law? Why yes, according to the Texas Penal Code, I believe it is.

Sec. 25.08. Sale or Purchase of Child.

(a) A person commits an offense if he:

(1) possesses a child younger than 18 years of age or has the custody, conservatorship, or guardianship of a child younger than 18 years of age, whether or not he has actual possession of the child, and he offers to accept, agrees to accept, or accepts a thing of value for the delivery of the child to another or for the possession of the child by another for purposes of adoption; or

(2) offers to give, agrees to give, or gives a thing of value to another for acquiring or maintaining the possession of a child for the purpose of adoption.

But not to worry, because Dan the Man's got that one covered.

Section 25.08, Penal Code, does not apply to the grant or acceptance of money under this section.

When is selling and buying babies not selling and buying babies?

All together now: "It's OK if you're a Republican!" And it's even more than OK when you're also a water boy for the religious right.

[An earlier version of this post appeared at Texas Kaos]